Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who wears a wallet chain?!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
