a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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