So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
