You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
