Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
