Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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