I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
