The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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