It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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