There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
