My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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