I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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