I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize