hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
