i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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