Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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