ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
