I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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