I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
