I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
