She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
