so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
