Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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