Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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