I smell stomach acid.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
