i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize