I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
