im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
