I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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