I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
