First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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