perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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