So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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