Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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