my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
