Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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