Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
