we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize