You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
