yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
