it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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