Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
