Someone shit on the floor
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
