...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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