i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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