im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
