It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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