I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
