Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's great music for shaving your balls
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
