I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is this like a preordered booty call?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
