the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
