fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
