honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
