Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
