end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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