literally had 100 drinks last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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