Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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