So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it glows. i had to have it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
