So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
