he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
