can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
