you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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