Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
