Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
