Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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