We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
