Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
