WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
