dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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