After last night, I could never be a politician.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
