bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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