When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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