I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
