I CAN MOONWALK!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
