please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i drank out of a bidet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
