just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize