How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
