Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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