so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
