My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
