So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ttyl tear gas
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
