you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize