dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
