i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
