ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's blow job season.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
