guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
