i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize