I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
