I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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