Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
