Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
