I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
