where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
