4 words: hood of his car
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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