Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
