I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
