I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
